Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in miamidolfan's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 21st, 2007
12:37 pm	???   Im sick of people using me and doing what ever they want and calling me there friend or girlfriend.. i use to think that you were the only one in my life i could trylu turn to but time and time again im shown how wrong i really am.. i really needed you this weeekend i needed you here with me to comfort me and make me feel better and you say that any time you have with me is worth it but thats all EVERYONE is all talk.. its good to say those words but you have to have the actions to back your words.. its makes me feel like im not worth it.. i need so much and i feel like the man i loved gave me all those things.. why can you hear those tears and still do nothing for them to stop!! i just dont see how you can be that man for me anymore.. i dont know where the man i feel in love with is anymore i guess eventully i will be pushed to the point of knowing that i can love with it anymore and realize hes gone.. i see him in you sometimes i know i do but when is he gonna be there in totally or completly gone... i dont want to be with this new man i want to be with the man i feel in love with and if hes gone than thats that i guess.. i want someone who will go and do anything for me just like i like to think i do for them.. i do anything for my friends as well anything i just rarely think i see that in return.. i dont know why people walk all over me buts its not fair.. i know i have some great friends.. i just need to make sure that i surround myself with those people!!! (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 25th, 2006
9:57 pm	Feeling Down Have you ever been told you werent good enough by someone. I am going thru that right now im madly in love with my bf of almost yr but his parents dont approve of me for the simple fact that im different than them and made up stories about me that arent true. They assume so much about me that i will never ever forget or forgive. I have never had someone make me feel like i am not a good person or put me down so that i feel like i am nothing at all. But i guess they are right in some ways i will never ever be the women they want for there son in fact i will always be who i am right now. i have tried so hard to prove to them and get to know them for who they are. but everytime i have tried they have not treated like i was visible. for the first time in my life i felt like i was invisible and who am i going to tell to fix that no one is my own damn fault. i mean i cant change anymore that i have i have done nothing but being the best person i can for their son but i cant do it anymore and the more i think about it and hear... i feel like im ina lost lose situation. and as for him its his mom n dad he wont stand up and just be like NO im almost 20 i cant ve treated like ur feelings are the only ones that matter.. why do they honestly have to approve of everything he does and why wont he just stop them from treating him like a lil kid.. sometimes as hard as it is you have to stand up and be no more.. i feel like i have to do the same.. tonight we were talkin and i was telling him how i was upset and i was on the verge of tears and he still said im in front of my house i have to go.. what am i suppose to say no dont go im hurting can u just stay for a sec.. no i have to be string again like i was depend on only myself and not let things get to me so much!!! and i am lil by lil i will be that girl again!! i have to be on my own again maybe let him just do what he has to and then come back to me.. the only thing is its just so damn hard i love him and i wanna b with him even if its wrong!! i just have to a point that im not dependent on anything my parents say not really and i want to have a real relationahip where the family of the person i love doesnt care about my background and cares enough to talk to me not watch tv and ignore me.. i have never had anyone do that to me so what do i do..i just feel at such a lost!! Current Mood: crushed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
9:22 pm	Im Not 12!! i have done alot for you and do regurally but all that i do doesnt seem to be enough! you always go back to treating me like im a lil kid i just dont know when ur gonna look at me n b like this is the girl i love and this is what i have to do to keep her in my life! instead to treat me like anyone else the only thing is you tell me that you love me well im done trusting in that i need hard proven evidence. i have told u the samething over n over again just tell me no matter what it is.. your not helping by doing that but u have no concern for my wishes just whats easier for you. ur just like every other guy out there lying and sliding by bc a girl will trust her heart not her mind!!! i think the only for u to stand up n realize that ur hurting me is to lose me n hopefully learn to stop so that we can be together later on in life. stand up for me how hard is that just tell them all that i have done for you and why is that all that matters is religion i hate religion n i hate the way they think of it.. why cant love ever just be enough!! why do they treat me like im not good for u.. i tell what they are telling already so why cant u just be like yeaa i know asal has already said that so they think i care about ur future!! oo well i guess all my tears are nothing!!! Current Mood: depressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 25th, 2006
10:58 pm	surveys TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: Asal Rahbar Birthday: May 17, 2006 Birthplace: palm beach, fl Current Location: tallahassee Eye Color: brown Hair Color: auburn Height: 4'11 hehe im little Right Handed or Left Handed: right handed Your Heritage: middle eastern The Shoes You Wore Today: bebe black sandals Your Weakness: english classes Your Fears: pain Your Perfect Pizza: mushroom, peppers, and pepperonis Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: straight A's Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lol Thoughts First Waking Up: wheres mike Your Best Physical Feature: eyes Your Bedtime: am i 12 yrs old Your Most Missed Memory: cheerleading and high school Pepsi or Coke: COKE!!!!! MacDonalds or Burger King: neither Single or Group Dates: single Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla Cappuccino or Coffee: ewwww Do you Smoke: no Do you Swear: i try not to Do you Sing: not well Do you Shower Daily: yeaaa Have you Been in Love: yeaa Do you want to go to College: im in college Do you want to get Married: engaged now so yeaa Do you belive in yourself: of course Do you get Motion Sickness: no Do you think you are Attractive: i guess Are you a Health Freak: sometimes Do you get along with your Parents: yes of course Do you like Thunderstorms: sometimes Do you play an Instrument: no In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes In the past month have you Smoked: no In the past month have you been on Drugs: no In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yes In the past month have you been on Stage: no In the past month have you been Dumped: no In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no Ever been Drunk: oohhh yeaaa Ever been called a Tease: ohhh yeaa Ever been Beaten up: no Ever Shoplifted: no How do you want to Die: in my sleep What do you want to be when you Grow Up: pysical therapist What country would you most like to Visit: italy In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: blue Favourite Hair Color: blonde Short or Long Hair: very short Height: 5'7 Weight: 140 - 180 Best Clothing Style: prep Number of Drugs I have taken: 0 Number of CDs I own: 50 Number of Piercings: 2 Number of Tattoos: 1 Number of things in my Past I Regret: 2 CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
2:07 pm	LIFE!!! well heres whats been going on i had the best valentines day of my life it was wonderful and so sweet he did everything for me i have never felt so loved in my life!!! even the lil things people dont even think of doing he did..then he played our song and we danced it was the best thing i have ever gotten!! oo and notto mention the best damn chocolate strawberries i have ever had.. even better than the one i paid $4 for one for!!!then on valentines day he sent me these beauitful flowers omgg they were so pretty!! it was a wonderful!!! then he came to visit me and that was the best too!! we dance and we have this beauitful pic of us slow dancing! god i love and miss that boy!!! icant wait to spend my life with him!! Current Mood: good (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
11:03 pm	Im Going Home yay im going home soon.. in 3 days and i get to c my baby!! a whole night together!!! were gonna play games!! Ashley i love you and dont let things get to you deserve the most and all the happiness!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
4:48 pm	BOYS SUCK!!!! ok thats all i had to say... i want dunkaroos!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 4th, 2005
10:00 pm	when are you going to stop I have never done anything but been there for you and told you everything i am honest and open with you. i gave you all of me and trusted you with my life, secerts, and self. I dont demand alot from you all i want is you to be honest, opened, loving, and trustworthy. I guess thats too much. Y do you continuly let me in and then push me so far away. I feel that you really never loved me its just the way you thought you should feel that i was a good person. How can u sit there and look at me or talk to me and tell me you love me, when its all a lie. u never did u never wanted to truly make me urs.. all u do is hurt me and make me fall in love with you and when i start to think that we are the strongest and most trustworthy couple you prove me wrong.. im in so much pain... i feel so betrayed why is there so many double standards with you.. why dont u truly trust me.. why is a secert so much more important to you why am not the one u keep secerts for not from.. why dont u love me.. y do i just wanna crumble and cry never moving... why do you this to me.. why do u always say ur sorry ad its never true.. why is always with her.. why are you not who i thought and what everyone else thought u would be to me.. why cant i for once be right about a guy and not end up feeling like im white trash like im just there bc they thought they could get me.. why am i not special to you.. why dont u know me and why cant i just c who u really are.. why do u hide yourself and cause all my tears. im shaking and ready to throw up i feel so upset and crushed... im going crazy i get mad at you and then mad at myself for letting you.. i feel like im the wrong one.. why is that u can do that why do u have to have all the power.. will the lies ever end.. what else dont i know that im only here for pysical activity.. that ur in love with someone else still.. is it always going to come to her.. i trust her.. what did u do when u blacked out.. am i doing all this alone.. am i not good enough.. not skinny enough... not pretty enough.. do u even c any beauty in me do u even care for me.. or i am just here willing to drop anything for u.. i cant do this all i do is cry and hurt.. im being abused emiotionally.. im drained i feel empty and alone.. all i have is..... why the lies??? why shouldnt i say goodbye??? thanks to my all those who love and helped me!!! I Love You Current Mood: crushed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
2:18 pm	i love how ppl are so concerned about themselves and there own feelings not what anyone elses!im just really hurt right now! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
7:41 pm	kjsdnfkjsa Im like blahhh today!!! (Comment on this)
Friday, November 4th, 2005
8:18 pm	im chipper im a bad liar!! i spend to much money! i love my roomies!! jess has a bday on mon i wanna laugh and scream!! my parents r coming :( do u wanna tango? i want a girlie poster scrapbooks never end ok im done! ps- saw 2 ahhhhhh Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 30th, 2005
11:37 pm	whats the right thing I am so lost.. i never thought things would come to this ever.. You have made me so happy for so long and i am completely in love with you but it comes down to what i think is best for you and your family.. i love you all so much that i dont want to be the one to cause any pain in between you guys.. when i tired to fix it you wouldnt let me you said that it wasnt the right thing to do.. but u guys arent happy so i am trying to fix i am the reason your parents arent happy and as much as u say its not true it is they dont like what i have done to you or what they see.. all i want is your happiness all of you guys to be happy thats all i could ever want and as much as it tares me up inside and as much as i dont want to i have to think of all of you before myself.. i am not selfish and thats all i have been.. i want you to know that i love u with all my heart, i gave that to you awhile ago and i am not taking it by in any means.. i never want to bc as long as i live u will hold that no one will ever come close to u ever!! i lov baby i always will i just dont know what is the right thing for all of u.. so tell me what is right!! Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 27th, 2005
6:39 pm	OO DEAR ME I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT THIS LAST 2 WEEKS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME I FEEL LIKE THINGS ARE GONNA BE OK!! I HAVE TRIED TO LOOK PAST ALOT AND I THINK I HAVE DONE A GREAT J0B I JUST WISH SOMETIMES YOU WOULD SEE THAT TOO. I LOVE YOU BUT I WAS HURT AND IM SORRY IF U FELT LIKE JUST BC U HURT ME I WAS GONNA DO THE SAME TO YOU.. BUT I TRUST YOU EVEN THOUGH MOST OF ME SAYS THAT I SHOULDNT YET GIVE IT MORE TIME.. IM SCARED TO TELL U THIS BC U WILL ALWYS THINK THAT YOU CAN GET TO ME EASILY TRUTH IS YOU PROBABLY DO.. DAMN YOU!! OK I LOVE YOU ALL GOODBYEEEEEEEEEE Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
5:28 pm	With my Besties!! im toruing the west coast of fl bc 2 of my besties live there yayayayay i missed them so much i can wait to back to our times of talking and making stupid jokes and late nights of being just those girls that found there best friends for life!!! i turly believe that i was blessed to find my girls last yr i dont kno where i would b without them!! Michelle come c me were easties that should b visiting the westies lolol i want u here it just isnt the same!! KATIE u too missy!! n i miss my baby but hes in NY with his grandparents n i wont c him forever n a day to top it off its not like i get much time with left anyway!! i lov him more than words!!! ok im done i love my besties im just in a good mood right now!!!! ashley is coming tomorrow :) big fat smile on my face right now!! n jessie is here right now!!! yay that makes me happy!!! (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 9th, 2005
9:01 pm	On My Mind So i have been through a really hard week first with ppl thinking that im late so i might being pregent which scares me to death thanks for everyones support and ashley thank u for checking up on me!!! i have no idea how in the world im suppose to leave my bf at the end of the summer n go back to the way things use to be.. thats too hard i can handle alot n im a really strong person and i kno i will get through it but its gonna b hard n i dont kno if i can then go back to being "togther" its not far!! we finally found a place that we r competly happy n comfortable n its going away agin its just not fair!!! ok im done complaining thank u!! i miss my girlies!!! im going to the West coast well the west caost of Florida anyway to c ashley n jess bc i havent seen them yet :(!! well ashley came to visit for my bday but that was forever n a day ago!! yayay im excited halla at me! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
8:00 pm	What am i suppose to think ok so im in canada right now and my bf is home.. so the last few days he has been telling how he cant wait for me to home home and stuff n how he wishes it was friday already!! lets also put out the fact that he has sounded a lil depressed since i have left and that he wont go out... well he did today with his best friend whom is a girl and when i said i love u he said yeaaa me too!!! wtf he hates that he told me thats a cop out n he hatres when ppl do that just like i do!! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so does he like her yes or no!!! and excatly wut happened at the movies with them 2!!!!!!!dfbns;dkjfvhnasd;kjfgv (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
5:09 pm	YAYAYAY ok so how weird is but but for me to say that i have seen my bf everyday for 3 weeks yesss me the one that no one can get n refuses to let anyone in is caught!! hes the best!!! muchelle is coming the first of july yayayay n im going to west coast well west coast of florida to c my besties!!! im excited ok im done now except for the fact that im lil out of it my baby wore me out!! lolol ;) Current Mood: flirty (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 4th, 2005
6:26 pm	I love Michael!!! So it has been offically 6 days of us dating and i am so in love with my boyfriend he is so amazing and treats me right i cant believe that i have such a wonderful man by my side!! with all that has happened i dont think i would have ever changed any of our times togther bc they brought us so close togther n im blessed that they occurred so i kno what n who he is... we have the best kind of love i think bc we were best friends first and now we r more god i LOVE boy hes the best!!! this is random but he sent me a text message saying he loves me so it just makes me feel like sharing how lucky i am with the world!! yayayayayay thank god he finally told me how he felt!! luv ya guys!! Current Mood: loved (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 26th, 2005
10:11 am	IT FINALLY HAPPPENED!!! i am the happiest person alive so as of the 21st of this month i found out that the one person i am madly in love with is in love with me too!! i cant believe it took so long to hear u say those words n now its free to come out for the world to kno!!! well except r parents bc we have no idea where any of this is going!!! but i luv the feeling knowing that i can kiss ur lips n knowing that im the one u think about n hearing i luv u in the snese that im in love with u!! u have made me so happy!!! baby i love u!!! Current Mood: excited (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
4:21 pm	Some ppl just arent who u think... i cant believe that u could ever look me in the eye n lie to me!! ever.. i always thought that if i could trust anyone it would b u.. i was WRONG... thats right i was wrong!! i never thought u would hurt me either but i feel so much pain n hurt! it kills me from the inside that u were the one that put it there n to think i actually believed u when u told me that if u cared about anyone it was me.. but no more i never want to hear those words anymore i never want to here the words i love you i never want to b lost in ur blue eyes n smile.. i cant keep going back to that place n ending up here hurt n alone! i kno that i held u in a standard that on one else can fill a standard u probably dont want.. i even may treat u like my bf n ur not!!! for that i am sorry mayb thats y all this hurts so bad n im taking it like this! but i feel betrayed n lost.. i always told u that i dont like getting too close to anyone bc they control my emiotions.. i hate being n cintroled or taking care of but i still allowed u to do all that i let u in on my weak side n u took advantage of that of me for that i cant forgive u... but u r human n u make mistakes.. c u even have me fighting with myself on wuts right n wrong i feel like im this lil girl that has been left alone n has to figure out her life b herself is that fair.. how come u r the only one that can do this to me y is that the one person that can always put a smile on my face is the one that can put tears in my eyes at the same time.. im scared i dont think i have ever felt this way before but i am!! im scared to lose u im scared to b lied u im scared that i will never be able to look at u but most of all im scared that i lost who i am!! so now what wut do i do!! Current Mood: hurt (3 Comments |Comment on this)